When God answered I am who I am, did he answer knowing sometimes He was angry and other times not. I believe God knows Himself well. Can you see that God knows when He is worshipped, loved with a whole and complete heart, His anger is not displayed? When loved completely with a whole heart, God walks proudly amongst the living, like a Great King granting gifts to those who also know their selves well, bowing their heads so their tongue does not lash out, humbling their selves to God, to calm the storms sea inside, a world not seen with your eyes but felt inside.
I experienced both inside, inside the motel room, turning my head from the angry one. Bowing my head showing God I loved Him, not His anger. I still battle but not like I did then. I battle today and every day in my struggles with the life I live, not turning away from God, but loving Him with a complete and whole heart, turning away from anger that displays itself in the world, the ugly side of God. How well do you know yourself?
I once stood, actually sat in their office. They became so angry at me they told me to leave. When I did not leave but continued with what I was trying to say, they became even angrier to the point of telling me to go to hell. This is what happens when another person cannot understand babble. I was babbling like a baby not fully understanding what had happened to me, and what I was experiencing. Had I been completely loved with a whole heart than maybe understanding and love would have been given to both of us, but it never happened. What did happen to me was a greater love for God that continues to grow inside me. I wonder, I wonder if it will ever display itself, like a new baby being born, giving off the brightest light throughout the world. I only hold a flicker from a single candle.
I have learned well enough to know, that when my sons come home, we need desperately to respect each other’s space, giving space and time alone, to remain calm inside, not trying to force a point or make understanding be understood. Understanding is something given from inside as one ponders their destiny. A destiny God already knows, to the end of the beginning, transforming the old into new. Like an old seed planted in the spring to sprout and grow new seeds for eternity.