Mourning

How long will hearts mourn is my question. Mine began years ago, it may remain. Love mourns for those who are lost, even though love remains living.

I received the email below this morning, and also am posting my reply, my life is no secret and so I share.

First, let me say I hope this email address is for Billie Jones??  I think it might be.    If so, I have some sad news to impart that you might already have heard.  I am sorry to relay this news to you via email, but I have unsuccesfully searched Becky’s cell phones (both her current phones and a couple of old phones) trying to find your phone number.  I found a file of email contacts today on one of her computers, and when I saw this email address, I thought it might be you.
Anyway, forgive me for not contacting you sooner and for not being able to give you this news by phone.  Becky passed away on March 31.  She had been in hospice care since the beginning of December.   Although she had been on oxygen since her hospitalization in May of 2012 and unable to work, she was able to go and do things until about mid-January.  We were able to make a trip to SanAntonio in August and visited with her family in October and at Christmas.  Hospice was able to keep her relatively comfortable and pain free, even to the very end.  And, she was conscience and aware until about the last two weeks of her life.
Obviously, her death has left a huge hole in my heart, but I have a very supportive family and a large circle of friends who knew Becky and they are a huge help to me as I learn to live with this new reality.   I know that you loved Becky very much, and I thought you should know of her death.  I am just sorry it took me so long to find a way to contact you.  My thoughts are with you as you learn to process this sad news.
Sincerely,
Nan
Thank You Nancy,
Thank You for contacting me. The last email I sent Becky that she responded to, she had told me she was in hospice. At some point after that I contacted her mother but was told nothing and I was made to believe she may not even be in hospice, and felt I should not have bothered her family, or at least that was what I was thinking. But I knew if she really was in hospice no matter how much I hoped and prayed I knew it would be best for her body to leave. Yes I do love Becky even still. Becky wasn’t faithful to me but she was faithful. It was because of Becky and who she was that was the onset of changing my life forever and bringing God into my life. My life changed quite suddenly and I am not sure that Becky fully understood what happened to me. I didn’t even understand what was happening to me but never let go of believeing God was with me. It has taken many years to grasp an understanding what feels right for me, and out of all that I stand very strong in my faith and love for God. My hopes don’t always turn out the way I hope but my love for God remains. As long as God allows I will remember and love Becky, and cherish what times we had together both the good and the not so good, because out of the not so good good change comes. My life is filled with many stories which I share on billiescauldron.com and so my life changes as God forms me into a living breathing loving person even though I loved before, my love changes everyday of my life. The once dead in Spirit, do rise, and change happens.
As for you, you to will heal, from the lost love, for love remains in your heart, through all the changes in our lives.
If you feel a need to contact me further for whatever reason, you may do so.
Love Billie

About billiescauldron

I am in transition. I see myself as a Spiritual Writer and as such my blog will slowly change with me still holding tight to being in the garden as a child loving my teacher.
This entry was posted in Faith, God, Healing, Health, Hope, Love and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Mourning

  1. susan wooldridge says:

    Ahhh, Billie, thank you for sharing this with us. Every blessing to you and may becky rest in peace.
    With love, Susan

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