Heart Speak

I once had a son whom I loved and cared for, even though I had trying times of my own. There came a time in his life though that I lost my son to a drug that he loved. I recently thought my son was coming home to begin a new life but I don’t see that as being what is happening. He hasn’t come home now for 2 nights nor has he called to reassure me he is fine. This is what he first did when I lost him many years ago to that drug he loves. I was left sitting on the couch in a big city not knowing if he was alive or dead laying in the gutter somewhere. It was not a pleasant feeling inside. It was almost like I was dying inside. My love for him partly because he is my son hasn’t died, but it has changed. You see there isn’t anyone on earth who doesn’t guard their heart from hurt. It is like a wall that is in place that one cannot penetrate, it is like fortress you might say. It requires much fighting on the part of the person outside the fortress to tear down the wall that protects the heart inside. The drug however is like a daughter of Satan that holds him, making him feel loved by others, and himself. There is nothing I can do to make him leave that past he holds inside himself. I go inside, inside myself where I am faced with hope and prayer that he soon finds his way. Maybe his way is not mine and it begins when he rises from the grave of death, seeing love is a light that sits on a strong stand in the middle of the night waiting for him to find his way home. Inside my fortress God holds my heart, while my son outside must fight to leave the past he loves and begin a new life. Leaving one life and beginning another is not always easy. The easy life is what men have made of it; money buys nearly everything, except, true love.

About billiescauldron

I am in transition. I see myself as a Spiritual Writer and as such my blog will slowly change with me still holding tight to being in the garden as a child loving my teacher.
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4 Responses to Heart Speak

  1. Nancy bento says:

    So sorry to read this Billie, I hope he come home and wakes up to life.

  2. Debra DuHoux says:

    It seems Ezra has chosen not to change…as a parent I can relate to your feeling of helplessness. If we could fix their problem we would.

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